Sunlight Goals

When I was a child and the sun shined on me I knew Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were real and I knew they loved me. I first felt this around 4/5 years old, playing Cinderella on the steps of the Hamilton New Zealand Temple. I felt it again when I was playing Cinderella at the top of the stairs in the house I grew up in, while I danced with my life size stuffed pink panther, the sun shone in on me through the big staircase window and I just knew Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were real and they loved me. As a teenager when I felt sick and gross, if I lay in the sun and let it warm my back and shoulders, I felt safety, comfort and wellness would increase. Now I look forward to hanging the many many loads of washing on the clothesline in the warmth of the sun because when it shines down on me, I still feel the presence of my Heavenly Father and Lord Jesus Christ and I know they love me enough to care about my washing drying.

The sun shined for the Sabbath today. I spent most of the Sabbath sacrament meeting in the foyer. It's ok, sometimes it's the place to be, sometimes there are friends to minister too, sometimes it's better to try to listen outside of the chapel proper with a tutu child than not hear a thing with a tutu noisy child inside the meeting. From the foyer I heard about goal setting, I heard about the feeling of Christmas, I heard congregational singing - that was about all. I enjoyed a conversation with my three year old who shared with me what Jesus did when he was alive. I listened about my nieces success cooking a hangi, I cuddled a friends baby who wanted to be my friend. That was nice.

I wondered from the start of this day what goals I might set for the new year, if I decided to set any. I was anticipating talks on goals for the new year and feeling perhaps a little overwhelmed with new church goal setting activities, a daughter who wants to learn Chinese and my over ambitious need for perfection (refer to the imperfect birthday cake here). My husband and I are make goals as you go kind of people. We have a long term goal - "no empty chairs", no empty chairs when it's our opportunity to dine in person with Jesus, the Master or the bridegroom of the feast. In between then and now and before we regularly look at our family, notice how we are treating each other, whether we are making it to places or events on time, whether our kids are really understanding something we are trying to teach/instil (from reverence in prayer to how to catch waves), so we are regularly making small goals with and without our kids consultation. But I wondered if there was a goal for me? 

Then I came across this verse in The Book of Mormon, Jacob 3:1-2

"But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart.

Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith,

and he will console you in your afflictions,

and he will plead your cause,

and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction. O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God,

and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever." HE WILL PLEAD YOUR CAUSE!  Don't judge me! I've heard Jeffrey R Holland say this about the Saviour but it's never come to my heart and my mind like it did this morning and so this was my response:

Why? I had never considered that Christ would need to plead for me. I thought Heavenly Father just had my back. Is this Jacob just trying to help his people get that Jesus wants to help them? Or is this me feeling offended that I need Christ to plead to my father in Heaven on my behalf? Obviously I'm feeling some internal shame at this point for my rejection of an obviously true offering; who am I to reject the Saviours mediation on my behalf when actually I really need it ... Sigh ... Bigger sigh. I guess this is like the time I felt upset with Nephi for telling me that I didn't have the spirit because I couldn't understand the words of Isaiah; it only took three-ish years, help from John Bytheway's 'Isaiah for Airheads' and learning Maori creation stories from Kahungungu for me to begin to understand the Eastern techniques of prophesying using symbolism! One thing is clear, I need Christ to plead for me. And actually, I want him to plead for me. I'm not enough without him. Another thing became clear - I have work to do, learning and studying about Christ and how he intercedes at the throne of God for me. Aaand another thing - I probably need to repent of the stubborn indignant feeling I had. Aaand repentance isn't awful, why would I need to feel stink about letting go of yet more stubbornness in the pursuit of actually understanding more about me and my need for Christ!? Come to think of it, this is actually a moment of joyful praise.

Another moment of joyful praise arrived when I went hunting for evidence of the Lord pleading for us. I didn't find it yet, I got reading David's pleadings with the Lord in Psalms and then I got thinking. 

Psalm 4 David pleads for mercy--He counsels, Put your trust in the Lord. To the chief Musician on Neginoth, A Psalm of David. Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah. But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord. There be many that say, Who will shew us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

So I got thinking. Our family sings to gather for prayer, it's like our bell, we often make goals to learn new songs. Over Christmas we learned Fa la la la la otherwise known as Deck the Halls. Now Christmas is over I don't want to sing the same old same old songs, my brother suggested this song:

I te Pō

by Rob Ruha

Te piki kōtuku kua riro atu rā

Kua rere atu rā koe ki nga rangi i runga

Ki o rahi, ki o nui i te pō

Waiho mai au, mokemoke ai - i te pō, i te pō

E te rau aroha kua taka iho rā

My rare white heron that has been taken ...

You have flown to the heavens above

To your many loved ones of the night

Leaving me lost and alone in the darkness

My adored feather of affection that has fallen ...

This is the most beautiful song and poetry that brings me to tears. Maybe the Lord pleads my cause because he has felt it before me?! I know I have pleaded my cause many times. As I listened to this song and sang along over and over again to be ready for the family song call to prayer, the mourning within me couldn't be denied but also something else, something brighter, something like the light from within. Cranky kids and a tired Mum didn't get around to anymore of that bit of light until this morning, upon my shame and my beginning to study I remembered to pen what was in my heart.

...

When my heart shattered When what was left of it was beaten  Then stood on  Then could the warmth of descending sun light flow within me

... 

What does any of this have to do with where I begin this post!? Sun light and goals. Do I have any goals for the new year - probably, yes, yes, I do; continue to seek and let the light in. Obviously now it's learn about how the Saviour pleads for me and why he would plead for me. It might be to melt the wicked witch in me (she has arisen in tired moments following Christmas, like Dorothy and her bucket of water, I melt my witch in our family time at our river afternoon swims).  It's definitely to finish reading the last book of the C.S Lewis Narnia Chronicles, 'The Last Battle' to my kids and then to allow myself to feel like I've just done an awesome Mama job, then I'll need to look for something else grand and interesting to read them. Yep I've got goals. I've got: be less fat goals, paint things goals and finish arranging a song goals but first it's let the light in, the light and joy that I pleaded with our Lord Jah to have again, so I best not be squandering the opportunity he has pleaded for me to receive. 

"He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things,

in that he comprehended all things,

that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth; Which truth shineth.

This is the light of Christ.

As also he is in the sun, and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by which it was made. As also he is in the moon, and is the light of the moon,

and the power thereof by which it was made; As also the light of the stars, and the power thereof by which they were made; And the earth also, and the power thereof, even the earth upon which you stand. And the light which shineth, which giveth you light,

is through him who enlighteneth your eyes,

which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings; Which light proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space-- The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things,

which is the law by which all things are governed,

even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne,

who is in the bosom of eternity,

who is in the midst of all things."

Doctrine & Covenants 88:6-13

(In case you've never had the privilege of hearing Rob Ruha's rendition of I te Pō click below.)